How to Talk About Mental Health With Loved Ones — A Simple Guide
World Mental Health Awareness Day is October 10. It’s a reminder that looking after our minds is just as important as caring for our bodies.
We might want to open up with people we care about — but often we hesitate, because we worry about:
Making things awkward
Feeling like we’re implying someone has poor mental health
It being too personal and worrying they might not want to share or listen to us
Changing or damaging the relationship
Because of all these fears, sometimes the safest thing feels like silence. But when we do talk, we open up space for love, acceptance, and belonging — things that we can’t truly replace with anything else.
There’s a lot of discussion now about mental health online — and that’s good. People are learning symptoms and when help might be needed. But the deepest healing often comes from feeling seen and heard by the people who know us best. If we can speak honestly and feel accepted by friends or family, it can reduce loneliness, ease social anxiety, and bring real connection.
Below are tips you can use if you want to talk — whether to someone you already feel safe with or someone new.
1. Figure Out What You Need First
Before you share or start the conversation, pause and ask yourself:
Do I want advice?
Do I want someone just to listen?
Do I need to say something, but not have a big conversation?
If you can name what you need in advance, you can set up the conversation better. It helps the other person know how to respond, too.
“Something is really bothering me at work. I don’t need advice - I know what I need to do - I just need a space to vent.”
If you don’t know what you need, it’s also okay to say that:
“I don’t really know what I need, but I want to tell you something. I’m not looking for a specific response.”
Sometimes when the other person responds with too much reassurance and attention, that can also feel uncomfortable! You could say:
“I have something I want to tell you. I’ve never said this before, so I don’t want you to make a big deal out of it. I just want to say it, then maybe move on. Is that okay?”
2. Choose the Right Time, Location & Situation
If mental health conversations are new to you, avoid times when the other person is distracted (TV, phones, etc.). These are absorbing activities and don’t leave much real space for a thoughtful or kind response.
Also, avoid settings that feel too intense, like sitting across from each other staring. That can feel raw and overwhelming.
Some better ideas:
When you’re walking somewhere together
Shopping together
In places with ambient distractions (so you can gently diverge if needed)
In outdoor or busy settings, you can more naturally blend back into casual conversation (e.g. “Hey, did you see that new café over there?”) if things become too heavy.
3. Start by Talking About Situations, Not Feelings
Many people find it less scary to talk about what’s happening than how they feel. That shift can make the first step easier.
Compare:
“If you ever want to talk about what’s going on - I’m here”
vs. “If you ever want to talk about how you feel - I’m here”
Talking about stressful or emotional situations can open the door to deeper feelings later — without forcing them to start there.
4. Pick the Right Person
Especially early on, choose someone who’s shown empathy or openness about mental health before. Avoid someone you’ve never known to talk about mental health — their reaction is less predictable. Also, be cautious if they themselves are struggling — they may not have the emotional space to hold yours.
If there’s someone you trust — someone likely to respond kindly — try practicing opening with them first. Over time, you may feel ready to open the conversation with others.
Talking About Mental Health Is a Skill You Grow
Just as you wouldn’t start at your maximum weight in the gym, you don’t need to unload everything at once emotionally.
The first time might feel awkward — that’s normal.
Small conversations build strength.
You may feel discomfort, like your emotional “muscles” getting tired.
If it starts to feel too heavy, pull back. Don’t overload yourself.
Over time, talking and listening will become more natural and comfortable.
How to Gently Start the Conversation
You don’t need to “dive in.” Sometimes opening the door is enough. You don’t have to say a lot — and they don’t have to either.
Set the tone by:
Taking the pressure off — saying what you need
Giving them agency — acknowledging they don’t have to respond
Examples:
“I don’t want to make this a big thing, but do you ever feel angry sometimes?”
“I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately — do you ever feel that way too?”
Using “do you ever…” gives them space to say no. You can also substitute in something you recently experienced, rather than pure emotion, which can feel safer.
If You’re Opening Up About Your Own Mental Health
This can feel intense. One helpful exercise is writing a letter to that person (even if you never send it). Let it be raw, messy, emotional. The goal is to clarify your thoughts and feelings so the real conversation isn’t as overwhelming.
When you start the conversation, use the tips above.
Remind them this is new for you
Use the language of what you need (listen, support, or simply understanding)
Go slow — you don’t need to share everything at once
If You’re Reaching Out to Someone Who Might Be Struggling
If someone seems like they may need support, but you’re unsure how to begin, try:
“Hey, I know you recently lost someone. We don’t have to talk about it now — but I’m here if you want to.”
“You seem stressed lately. Are you okay? No pressure. Just know I’m here if you ever want to talk about what’s going on.”
That kind of gentle invitation gives them control. They may decline or delay — and that’s okay. The fact that you offered can matter.
You can’t control their response. Sometimes they’ll be open. Sometimes they won’t. Either way, knowing you care often is meaningful on its own.
Therapy: A Practice Space for Vulnerability
Talking to friends or family can feel risky because those relationships matter to us. With a therapist, you have space to:
Say deeply vulnerable things
Explore and process without worrying about harming a personal relationship
Practice putting words to feelings
Build up confidence for conversations in your life
Therapy acts as a safe “training ground” for the emotional work you might do with people you care about.
To open up the conversation about your or their mental health, you don’t have to say everything perfectly. You don’t need a major conversation or the perfect time. You just need to take a small step.
Every genuine word — “I care,” “I’m really struggling,” “I’m here if you ever…” — matters. Sometimes, that simple message is more powerful than we imagine.
If you’d like support talking about your mental health but you’re not sure where to start, our Toronto therapists are here. Book a free consultation today.
